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Tuesday, Oct 04, 2022
Outlook.com
Outlook.com
Satire

Biggest Annual Fraud

New Year resolutions are generally as hollow as election promises made by politicians

Biggest Annual Fraud
| File - AP Photo/ Tsering Topgyal
Biggest Annual Fraud
outlookindia.com
-0001-11-30T00:00:00+05:53

Making New Year resolutions is the biggest annual fraud perpetuated on the human race. From losing weight to kicking the butt (not the same thing) to swearing to spend more time with the wife and kids, New Year resolutions are generally as hollow as election promises made by politicians. Here are some made with 2016 in mind.

Narendra Modi: No more dropping in unannounced on neighbours. It can lead to some nasty surprises. If there's only a boundary wall separating you, a breach or two can lead to bad blood and hostility, even where there's no boundary wall, it can get tricky. Even Nepal is now out of bounds. So my New Year resolution is to only visit neighbours if invited, unless it's Bhutan, of course. 

Arvind Kejriwal: To buy a second car or learn how to ride a bicycle. Sharing a ride to office with colleagues is a great photo-op but it looks odd. Even I know it's a self inflicted burden since VIPs are exempt but what is life without sacrifice, without pain and without enemies to take on or courting controversy. Talking about courts, the Supreme Court issued a ruling that photos of politicians cannot be shown on government ads. I am forced to face the public without actually facing the public, showing my muffler and a mobile phone. Even by my standards, that is decidedly odd.

Rahul Gandhi: To announce my travel plans in advance and save my party spokesmen some embarrassment. Any holiday I take which extends more than 50 days will, of course, require a separate resolution.

Arun Jaitley: To appear on Rajat Sharma's show 'Aap ki Adalat', every day during 2016 in exchange for him appearing in the real adalat to testify to my impeachable character and integrity over the last 40 years we have known each other. With friends like him, bring on the enemies!

Rajnath Singh: To think before I tweet. As Home Minister, I should have not counted my chickens before they have hatched, or counted the terrorists before congratulating everyone for finishing them off, when that was clearly not the case. It's all to do with getting there before my counterpart in the MEA does. As they say in Latin, Mea culpa.

Asha Parekh: To get that damned lift fixed.?

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