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Tuesday, Jan 25, 2022
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Global Warnings

All that we have discovered about climate changes and related issues.

Global Warnings
| File - AP Photo/ Martin Mejia
Global Warnings
outlookindia.com
-0001-11-30T00:00:00+05:53

So we all know that the climate has changed, and world leaders gathering in Paris will once again tell us that. Meanwhile, for the uninitiated, here's what we have discovered about climate changes and related issues.

  • The fuel emission caused by 140 world leaders flying to Paris from all parts of the globe has just added another layer to the ozone, or depleted another layer, whichever is the more correct thing to say.
     
  • The reason why protestors at every climate conference wear Batman and Superman costumes is that they are leftovers from Halloween and saves them buying a new costume.
     
  • It gives the rest of us some ideas for use at dinner conversations to show how knowledgeable we are. Examples: Acid Rain is not a rave party. Going green does not mean you are suffering from sea-sickness. Man-made emissions are not what it suggests. Geothermal is not inner wear for winter. Heavy metal is not a music genre but an environmental disaster. Greenpeace is not an idyllic forest retreat. Sunscreen does not protect one from depletion of ozone layers.
     
  • The traditional stand taken by Environmental activists is not called the missionary position. 
     
  • The number of lapel buttons, pins, stickers, flags and posters worn or displayed by protesters at climate change summits contribute in a major way to global warming.
     
  • According to the Indian Censor Board, prolonged kisses on screen come under the category of "hot scenes" and only add to global warming.
     
  • Crime in Delhi has shot up in recent months because everyone is walking around in masks, making it difficult to tell friend from foe or cook from crook.
     
  • The best lesson in global warming contained in an environmental movie, Erin Brockovich, was Julia Roberts in hot pants.
  • Happy Feet is a Hollywood movie about penguins in Antarctica and not the English version of Nach Baliye.
     
  • Tree hugging is not an unnatural sex act.
     
  • Energy saving is no excuse to avoid exercise.
     
  • Carbon credit is not an upgrade on a platinum card.
     
  • Climate change does not refer to the onset of north Indian winter.
     
  • Biodiversity is not one of the main principles in the Indian Constitution.
     
  • Free radicals are not environmental activists released after arrest.
     
  • Finally, the ice shelf is not the freezer compartment in your refrigerator
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