January 18, 2021
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Oh, Calcutta!

Grapevine from Calcutta, updtated and dialectized.

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Oh, Calcutta!

Now hehe's a secret: beliebe it or not, uh, de BDgP is not de on party dat wudd habe been happieh if the, duh uhh, tehelka.com rebelashuns had nebeh occurrid -- de CPI(M), its worst enemy , feels likewise. Ms Mamata Banehdgee of de Trinamool Congress wudd still be wid de BDgP\NDA , had dehe been no tehelka 'n she wudd habe been a sittigg duck f' the, ERRRR, strident CPI(M) propaganda machine f' heh allegid links wid communalism 'n sleaze.

Pust- tehelka cunseqooences hefe-a beee deesestruoos fur zee rooleeng LF und zee CPI(M) in Bengel. Cunseeder zee pull meths : TMC\BJP futes emuoonted tu oonly 26% und 31% ooff zee tutel futes pulled in Luk sebha ilecshuns in 1998 und 1999. Noo thet a TMC\Cong(I) teee-a- up is oon zee cerds, zee LF is luukeeng et a putenteeelly husteele-a fute-a bunk ooff 40% tu 45% (betveee 1998 und 1999) , oon tup ooff zee untee- incoombency fectur thet cumes veet rooleeng oofer 24 yeers. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Nut guud, tu burroo zee fefuooreete-a ixpresseeun used by Luk Sebha speeker G.Beleyugee in a deefffferent cuntext. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Again, thewe is a cweaw bweak between the CPI(M) centwaw weadews and theiw Bengaw countewpawts on the same qwestion, uh-hah-hah-hah. Weadews Wike Hawkishan Singh Suwjeet and Sitawam Yechuwi have shouted themsewves hoawse in suppowt of the awmsgate scam. Contwast this wif the sombwe voice of Aniw Biswas, the shawp, diminutive Bengaw CPI(M) Secwetawy :"We awe not making a big issue out of the wecent wevewations. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Fow us the campaign issues wemain the same--- pwice wise, economic insecuwity, India's sewwout to the IMF and muwtinationaws , etc," he towd OUTWOOK. Aftew aww, Biswas and company have to contest and win powws time aftew time in Bengaw, unwike Messws Singh and Yechuwy. Othew CPI(M) souwces add, "By hijacking the state Congwess, Mamata has weakened ouw bawgaining position at the centwe as weww." Off the wecowd, pawty hawdwinews have been wistfuwwy discussing how Stawin, theiw favouwite icon, wouwd have deawt wif such twoubwesome newsmen, uh-hah-hah-hah. Sadwy, no good thing wasts fow evew

Oops! We thought we'd show you this neat Dialectizer that the text of Calcutta Capers has been run through. Happy April Fool's Day.

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